I know, I know … I know. Wrong holiday, dude! Christmas was three months ago—this one’s supposed to be about Jesus!

Believe me: in just a ten-day survey, there were Jesuses, crucifixes, arrows, death beds, and blood aplenty. Dyed eggs and bunnies? Notsomuch. If your author had properly thought ahead, maybe he’d have been able to put together a legit Easter sud de la frontera post, but this Easter—at least, here at The Orbit—you’re stuck with Mary.

But with Mary—Mary!—we can’t keep away! Pittsburgh loves Mary, but compared to central Mexico, she may as well be Roger Staubach. Mary is ev-ery-where: Painted on the stucco walls of hillside homes and carved into public statuary. She’s mass-replicated on keychains and tchotchkes, trucker caps and shot glasses. And the churches—holy heck! The churches make our over-the-top look under-the-radar. Mary on high with cherubs and well-wishers; Mary chilling in her clamshell crib, decked-out in a crown-like halo and office-to-the-club goldleaf onepiece.

It’s Easter—who’s got time for this blathering when we’ve got teeth to rot and guilt to lay down? Have a nice Sunday, whether you observe the holiday or not. Remember: it’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.